Table of Contents
Introduction
Life gets busy, stressful, and demanding. We often put ourselves last, neglecting our own needs. We even tend to talk to ourselves in harsh, critical ways we would never use with loved ones. This self-judgment only leads to increased stress and poorer well-being. The good news is, with some practice, we can cultivate self-kindness – the ability to treat ourselves with care, acceptance and compassion.
Research shows this simple shift can greatly benefit our mental health and happiness.
How To Be Kind To Yourself
What Is Self-Kindness?
Self-kindness means relating to ourselves in a gentle, supportive way at all times – especially when we suffer, fail or feel inadequate. It stands in contrast to self-criticism, where we blast ourselves for imperfections and mistakes. Self-kindness allows us to be human. It means speaking to ourselves with the kindness and understanding we would offer a good friend.
The Benefits of Self-Kindness
Studies show self-kindness is linked to:
- Lower levels of anxiety and depression
- Greater life satisfaction
- Increased motivation and willpower
- Better anger management
- Improved self-confidence
- Healthier habits like exercise and proper nutrition
- Stronger relationships and social connection
How to Practice Self-Kindness
Most of us are unfamiliar with being kind to ourselves. We’re so used to self-judgment being our brain’s default mode. Here are some simple, proven ways to build this compassionate new habit:
Identify your inner critic – Become aware of your self-critical voice and the times/situations that typically trigger it. What kinds of things does your inner critic say? Understanding its patterns is the first step.
Treat yourself like a friend – Notice when you’re being hard on yourself. Ask if this is how you’d talk to a dear friend in the same situation. Respond like you would to them, with encouragement and understanding.
Replace negative self-talk with kindness – When your inner critic pipes up, consciously replace the harsh judgment with a warm, compassionate statement. Examples: “It’s okay, mistakes happen,” “This is challenging but I’m doing the best I can,” “I accept myself even if I don’t do this perfectly.”
Validate your feelings – When you experience an emotion like anger, sadness, shame or fear, don’t criticise yourself for it. Remind yourself feelings are just feelings, neither good nor bad. It’s okay to feel whatever you feel. Offer yourself compassion.
Appreciate your body – Do you thank your body for all it allows you to experience and accomplish? Or do you focus on imperfections? Combat body negativity by regularly appreciating all the amazing things your body does for you.
Follow the “golden rule.” – Treat yourself as kindly as you’d treat someone you love. We often grant more compassion to others than ourselves. Reverse this by giving yourself the same level of patience, respect and care you’d give to your closest loved ones.
Write a letter to yourself – Sit down and write a loving, encouraging letter to yourself as if from a caring friend. When you’re feeling down, re-read it as a reminder of your worthiness and all the good you bring to the world.
Get a plant – Caring for another living thing cultivates empathy, care and patience – which can extend to yourself. Nurture a houseplant as a daily practice in self-kindness.
Make self-care a regular ritual – Do little daily activities that nourish your mind and body, like journaling, meditating, enjoying nature, repeating positive affirmations, listening to music, exercising or getting a massage. Taking care of your needs shows yourself kindness.
Change your self-talk vocabulary – Notice when your inner dialogue uses demanding “shoulds” – “I should be further along by now.” Replace these with gentler “coulds” – “It would be nice if I could be further along but it’s ok.”
Handle mistakes with gentleness – Failure and setbacks are part of every life journey. See them as chances to learn rather than reasons for self-blame. Treat yourself with patience and understanding when things don’t go as hoped. Progress takes time.
Seek help from therapists – If self-criticism feels constant and overwhelming, therapy can help build self-compassion skills. Cognitive-behavioural and mindfulness-based approaches are very effective. Be kind to yourself by getting support.
Conclusion
With regular practice of these techniques, self-kindness starts to become automatic over time. Be patient with the process. Just like strengthening a muscle, it takes consistency to grow this compassionate mental reflex toward yourself. In time your inner dialogue will become increasingly warm, accepting, and supportive.
FAQs
How can we identify our inner critic?
Become aware of when your inner voice makes harsh judgments about you. What kinds of criticisms does it make and when does it most often pipe up? Tuning into the patterns of your inner critic is the first step.
What’s an example of replacing negative self-talk with kinder language?
If your inner critic says “I’m such an idiot for making that mistake,” you could gently replace it with “That didn’t go as I hoped but mistakes are part of learning. I’m doing the best I can.”
Why is speaking to ourselves compassionately so unfamiliar?
Most of us are very used to relating to ourselves in a self-critical way. Self-judgment tends to be our brain’s default mode. Consciously replacing it with kinder self-talk is a skill we have to purposefully practice.
What are some simple ways to be kinder to ourselves each day?
Small daily actions like writing a letter of encouragement to ourselves, replacing “shoulds” with “coulds,” doing little self-care rituals, following the golden rule, and treating setbacks with gentleness and patience.
What are some benefits of self-kindness?
Research shows self-kindness is linked to lower anxiety and depression, greater life satisfaction, increased motivation, healthier habits, stronger relationships, and improved anger management.
